Well, hello everyone! As they say in German, Willkommen to my website.

You will notice an exciting new feature today. I will be promiscuously sprinkling foreign words and phrases throughout this post as a sign of welcome to our international visitors. And I will do it as only an American with absolutely no facility for foreign languages can: randomly and poorly.

Don’t blame me. Blame Elizabethtown College, which, in 1975 awarded me a BA in political science after I finally completed my foreign language requirement with a course in Esperanto. You know, the international language of peace. 

The only thing I got out of that crazy class was a satirical newspaper column I wrote years later. As I recall, gentle Esperanto speakers from around the country were furious. All nine of them. The column had a St. Paddy’s Day theme, though, so I’ll post it here in Mars - um, that’s French for March. 

Something to keep you coming back.

Speaking of lura - that’s “back” in Maltese - back to the website. 

Perhaps you thought kerrydougherty.com was firmly anchored in Virginia. Hah. How little you know. Seems we’ve gone continental.

Through the miracle of analitika - that’s Russian for analytics - I know a lot about who’s been visiting this website. 

Oh, I don’t know your names. Or your addresses. Your ages. Or weights. But I can see geografico - that’s Portuguese for “geographical" - information about those who stop by.

The hosting site supplies us with a delightful Phaenthi -Thai for “map”- of the world. Countries shaded in a deep gray color are ones from which we’ve attracted readers. The site also posts a list of just how many folks - or bots, I suppose - have been here from each country.

While it’s true that the overwhelming majority of our readers are in the U.S., it came as quite a niespodzianka - "surprise" in Polish - to find that multiple folks from at least 22 nations have clicked on here already.

So Bienvenido to all! Tell me you don’t need a translation for that. Please.

Especially to our Canadian, German, Irish and Russian vanner - “friends” in Swedish. Those are our top four foreign countries.

My crack, unpaid ricercatore - Italian for “researcher” - Krys, found two interesting nuggets pertaining to today’s multilingual post:

First, a recent pag-aaral - Tagalog for “study” - found that 75 percent of Americans speak only English. Yet 43 percent of us believe it’s important to be multi-lingual.

Sounds about right.

I desperately want to speak another language. And I’d like it to be French. To that end, I subscribe to the “Talk in French” Twitter feed. Hey, who has time for a class? 

Initially I hoped that I’d learn a new word daily, so that in a few months I’d be able to string together a sentence or two en francais. Unfortunately, I seem to see only the French “slang of the week” in my Twitter feed. The most recent offering: Choper. To catch.

“Je ne viens pas aujourd’hui. J’ai chope un rhume.” I can’t come in today. I caught a cold. 

This might have been useful when I had a job. And if I’d had a French-speaking boss. During this period of unemployment? Not so much.

Other times “Talk in French” asks merry questions like, “Are you fond of cats? Here’s a list of cat-related French expressions you’ll enjoy.” 

Meow.

Krys also discovered that the website ThoughtCo.com reckons there are 1 billion people learning English around the world right now. That’s good news for those of us who are unlikely to ever master another language.

And great news for those who write in English. In fact, I wonder how many of those students are brushing up on their language skills right now by reading this website?

Well, as they say in Iceland: Svifnokkvinn minn er fullur af alum.

My hovercraft is full of eels. 

Wait, I meant to use my French: Je serai toujours la pour toi.

I’ll always be there for you.