How severe was cabin fever during this recent snowstorm?

So bad that a pal of mine actually spent time reading the dog food ads in “Traditional Home” magazine. It was there that this mutt-free woman stumbled on a full-page layout for something she found astonishing: “Farm-To-Table Inspired Canine Cuisine,” which featured a photo of a comely cook surrounded by a bounty of fresh veggies, meat and berries.

Pomegranates. Blackberries. Kale. Just what every dog craves.

This particular promotion was for Blue Earth’s Essentials dog food, which, from a trip around the internet, can retail for close to $50 for a 30-pound bag.

“Our German shepherd ate whatever came out of a giant bag of dried dog food,” my pal texted me in stunned disbelief. “We put table scraps in to make it exciting. 

“She lived to be nearly 15.”

Ah, but think how much longer she might have lived if she’d dined on fresh-caught salmon and chia seeds, like some of today’s  pampered hounds.

To tell the truth, I haven’t been paying attention to the recent epicurean adventures for dogs. My toy poodles eat middle-of-the-road kibble from the supermarket. Not the cheapest stuff - Ol’ Roy, for instance - but nothing I’d be tempted to taste.

Somehow I missed the ultra-gourmet dog food fad that is beefing up the $23 billion American dog food industry. Suddenly, you can purchase everything from duck jerky to coconut bacon bones to vegan treats for your mutt.

For a price, of course.

Not only are companies peddling dog food with exotic ingredients, but several are using the popular Blue Apron and HelloFresh model, preparing fresh gourmet dishes for your pet and delivering them to your door.

Take Ollie’s - “For Dogs Who Keep It Real” - for instance. This company, which boasts “human-grade” dog food, will customize a dish especially for your pet and deliver perfect-sized portions to your house. 

The recipes include hormone-free chicken, pasture-raised lamb from free-range farms and long-grain rice, basil, rosemary, rutabagas, pumpkin, sweet potatoes and chia seeds, of course.

I can’t tell you the price of such fine canine catering. To get an estimate, it seems, one must fill out a questionnaire. 

Who has the time?

Another company with a similar system, The Farmer’s Dog, claims it is “rethinking” pet food. Its products have been tested - on humans - and recipes are prepared especially for your very special dog. Not only that, but the company notes that “Our food is made while playing doo-wop tunes, all with heart in New York.”

Cute.

Look, I know many dog lovers spare no expense on their “fur babies.” Not judging if you’re one of them. I, however, am not. I belong to the THEY’RE PETS FOR GOD’S SAKE school of dog ownership, which requires only that we be kind to our pups, make sure they have fresh water and enough to eat, are warm in winter, cool in summer and get lots of belly rubs.

For those tempted to splurge on organic feasts for their bon vivant best friend, remember that, given a chance, he’ll wash it down with cool drink of water from the toilet bowl.