Here are seven words I never thought I’d write: Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot is a stateswoman. 

Compared to Nancy Pelosi, anyway.

Back in March, Lightfoot completely shut down the Windy City. She ordered citizens to stay in their homes and closed all hair salons. She even recorded a public service announcement that told Chicagoans, “Getting your roots done is not important.”

Then, in early April Lightfoot was caught getting HER hair styled.

Did she apologize for her unmitigated arrogance and hypocrisy? No, she did not. 

Instead, Lightfoot shrugged and said she was special.

“I’m in the public every day,” Lori Lightfoot whined. “And candidly, my hair was not looking the way it did. I thought maybe I’d do it myself, but I knew that would be disaster.”

So there, little people. Don’t like your hair? Shut up and put on a hat. Only the privileged class can get their hair tended to by pros.

This week Nancy Pelosi was also caught getting an illegal coiffure. 

She too was unapologetic. But she made Lightfoot look like a lightweight.

Pelosi lives in San Francisco where hair salons have been closed since March. There are no exceptions. Outdoor hair styling only has been permitted this week.

Everyone there knows the rules. Especially the most powerful woman in America who calls San Francisco home.

The salon she slipped into is owned by Erica Kious who hasn’t been allowed to work since March. Ms. Kious rents chairs in her salon to independent hair stylists and one of them texted her Sunday to say Pelosi was coming in on Monday.

“It was a slap in the face that she went in, you know, that she feels that she can just go and get her stuff done while no one else can go in, and I can’t work,” Kious told Fox News.

Unfortunately for the speaker, Kious’ eSalon is equipped with security cams - they’ve been there for five years - and the whole country has now seen Pelosi, maskless, wearing a salon cape with wet hair. 

If Pelosi had the class of say, Lori Lightfoot, she might say something like she’s on TV a lot and looking good is part of her job.

Instead Pelosi thumbed through the Democratic playbook and stopped on the chapter called “Blame Others.”

When the security footage first aired on Tuesday, Pelosi’s camp issued a hasty statement saying the speaker didn’t know she was doing anything wrong.

By Wednesday, after conferring with her handlers, she came up with a wackier excuse: She was set up by enemies lurking in a hair salon.

Pelosi said she was told that the salon was allowed to have people inside, one person at a time.

“I take responsibility for trusting the word of the neighborhood salon that I’ve been to over the years many times and when they said, ‘We’re able to accommodate people one person at a time.’ I trusted that,” the speaker said during an impromptu interview with reporters.

It gets worse. The octogenarian declared that SHE’S owed an apology by the salon owner - a single mother who hasn’t earned any money since March.

“I think that this salon owes me an apology, for setting me up,” Pelosi sniffed.

This is hilarious. If only it were enough to cost her the seat she’s warmed for 33 years in Congress. 

Unlikely.

Californians will vote for anyone, even sniveling career politicians who point the finger at hair stylists to avoid taking responsibility for their own bad acts.

It’s worth noting that Pelosi is second in line for the presidency. (Pence is first, she’s second). If she could be hoodwinked by a hair stylist, imagine what would happen if she ever had to deal with someone really devious, like Kim Jong-un.

One more thing. The queen of mask shaming - who never misses a chance to lecture the president and all of the other enemies of the state who don’t wear masks when she says they should - angrily claimed there was no problem with her going maskless at a salon.

“I don’t wear a mask when I’m washing my hair. Do you wear a mask when you’re washing your hair? “ she snapped at reporters on Wednesday.

Yes, Nancy, as a matter of fact I DO wear a mask while getting my hair washed. I don’t like it, I don’t think it makes sense, but I don’t want my stylist to lose her license. And that’s what happens if you violate the rules in Virginia.

We get it. You’re special. And a victim.

Of a vast right-wing shampoo conspiracy.