Noah’s Ark In The Air

Here’s something weird:

Why is it that most airlines have suddenly become strict nut-free zones - out of fear that goobers  will trigger an allergic reaction - yet they welcome hairy animals on board even though lots of people are severely allergic to fur-bearing beasts?

I only ask because a member of my family has a cat and dog allergy. Even just sitting in an airplane seat lightly dusted with cat hair is going to trigger a nasty asthma attack. Perhaps a life-threatening one. 

Yet those who can’t travel without their tabbies are allowed to hold these promiscuous shedders on their laps. (As long as they’re smaller than a 2-year-old toddler.)

The airlines don’t give a damn about dander. But just let anyone crack open a pack of peanuts and they act as if there’s plutonium on board.

I guess some allergies are just more important than others.

Which reminds me. On Monday, American Airlines released new, confusing rules about which varmints can and can’t fly in the cabin as “support” animals.

Beginning July 1, reptiles, rodents, snakes, spiders, farm poultry, ferrets, goats and insects are banned. The fact that spiders and chickens are on this list means some meathead once tried to travel with one. 

Think about that for a minute. 

Oh, and does your support critter sport tusks? Sorry, you’re out of luck. 

Same goes for any animal with horns. (No mention of antlers, though, so you might be OK with an emotional support moose.)

Hooves are also verboten unless they’re on the feet of a miniature horse. Those little fellas are still welcome to gallop aboard and keep their owners calm.

Sorry, folks. Flying with horses in the cabin - even miniature ones - is insane.

I just flew to Memphis and back in absolutely packed Delta aircraft. The seats in coach were so cramped that our arms became useless appendages pinned to our sides. The aisles were so narrow, most folks had to walk sideways, like crabs. Reclining a seat back risked crushing the person in the row behind.

There wasn’t room for a Yorkshire puppy on any of my full flights, let alone a little pony.

Oh and there’s another new rule: Sadly, your emotional support animal is no longer permitted to eat off your tray table.

Yep, some travelers were letting their furry friends sit on their laps and lick their food off the fold-down tables.

Yuck.

No wonder some of us would rather drive.