College Football Fans: Urine For Heartbreak.

Well, that was one heinous rivalry weekend.

For some of us, anyway. Not the ‘Hoos, of course.

If you’re a college football fan you know what I’m talking about. The worst, most humiliating loss in the history of mankind took place in Starkville, Mississippi on Thanksgiving night.

As many of you know, I’m an Ole Miss fan. My daughter went to that SEC school with its storied football program and picturesque campus. My own college was small and didn’t even have football, so I adopted her team.

Lifelong Rebels warned me that this football program in Oxford, Mississippi would break my heart. There would be unimaginable highs, they said. Followed by unfathomable lows.

It’s always been this way, they said knowingly.

They were right.

My kid left for Oxford in the fall of 2008 and didn’t come back to Virginia until late 2017. During that time we were season-ticket holders and rarely missed a home game. I flew to Mississippi when I could. Drove when I couldn’t. It took 15 hours by car. I left Virginia Beach at 6 a.m. and arrived in Oxford in time for a late dinner, with nothing more than a six-pack of Mountain Dew to keep me company.

Worth it.

In my family we like to think of ourselves as true football fans. The kind that are constantly saying, “There’s a lot of football left” when the score is lopsided and we’re down by three touchdowns. The kind of fans that get to their seats in time to watch the team warm up and stay until they pick up the cups. 

We sit directly in the sun for blistering September games, wear team-color ponchos in the rain and shiver on the metal bleacher seats during night games in November.

Speaking of November, we were among the handful of Rebels still in the stadium on November 19, 2011 when LSU routed the Rebs 52-3. The score would have been even more disgraceful had the Tigers not started taking knees with five minutes left in the game.

We were also there three years later, on October 9, 2014, when Ole Miss beat Alabama 23-17 and a delirious Rebel Nation tore down the goal posts and paraded them through the streets of Oxford.

No one left that game early.

Ole Miss shocked the nation by beating No. 1 Alabama 23-17

It was, without a doubt, the best college football game I ever expect to experience. My daughter and I were caught on TV after Alabama missed an early field goal.

Where’s Waldo?

The next year, Ole Miss would defeat Alabama again - this time in Tuscaloosa - and the good times were rolling.

As promised, though, the unfathomable lows were on their way.

A ridiculous NCAA investigation bulldozed the program, followed by sanctions, bowl bans and scholarship reductions. Coach Hugh Freeze, who’s now working his magic at Liberty University, was gone after a scandal. The last three seasons have been rough.

With just four wins this year, Ole Miss had no chance of a bowl bid but beating Mississippi State on Thanksgiving would be a sweet balm for a losing season.

The Rebs almost succeeded.

Chances are, even if you’d never heard of the Egg Bowl before last week you had by Friday.

What happened was historic and horrible.

With four seconds on the clock, the Rebels scored a touchdown, bringing the score to 20-21. It was exhilarating! Rebels everywhere were screaming with excitement. All we needed was the extra point to tie it up and send the game into OT.

Alas, the team’s best wide receiver decided to celebrate by getting down on all fours in the end zone and pretend to, ah, tinkle like a dog. (MSU are the bulldogs, remember.)

It was that idiotic image that put Ole Miss in the national news, from The Washington Post to the New York Post to the Drudge Report. 

The player got a flag for his behavior, the 15-yard penalty was assessed on the PAT and the kicker missed.

Talk about peeing away a win.

Making matters worse, the offender was back on the field for the extra point attempt. He should have been sent to the showers.

I have nothing else to say about this young man. He’s a kid. He did something stupid. He’ll long be remembered for this classless stunt.

We entrusted Ole Miss Quarterback Chad Kelly with 5-day-old Sawyer Grace. He’s now with the Colts.

By Sunday night Coach Matt Luke was fired.

One thing’s certain, Thursday’s misadventure stands in stark contrast to the Ole Miss team that three years earlier pounded Oklahoma State 48-20 to win the 2016 Sugar Bowl.

Unfortunately, I missed that memorable game in New Orleans because my granddaughter had just arrived. That’s OK. We’d bumped into the then-Ole Miss quarterback Chad Kelly just before the bowl game and he happily posed for a photo with her. 

Born in Oxford, she’s a fan. At just four she can recite the Hotty Toddy cheer and has an impressive collection of red and blue spirit wear.

Poor kid has no idea what’s in store for her.