Washington Wants You Sweaty and Tired

Do you like to sweat? Do you enjoy waking up in the morning, your sheets soaked with perspiration? Do you like coming home to a Honduran living room?

If so, you’re gonna love the newest thermostat recommendations from Energy Star, a government agency sponsored jointly by the EPA and the Department of Energy.

If you thought Energy Star was nothing more than an outfit that slapped energy efficiency stickers on major appliances - as I did - you were wrong.

Not content with helping us find the most energy-saving heating and air conditioning units, these bureaucratic busybodies have branched out. Now they’re telling us where to set our programmable thermostats.

Get a load of the newest Energy Star guidelines for summertime settings:

Ideal sleeping temperature during the hottest months, they say, is at least 82 degrees.

The perfect temp when you’re home is 78.

When you’re out of the house they suggest setting the thermostat to at least 85.

What is this, prison?

Or do the feds believe that all of America is on blood thinners? Because only people on Coumadin - or howler monkeys - are able to sleep when it’s 82 degrees. The rest of us will sweat so much we’ll slide out of bed.

Plus, think of the energy that would be wasted washing linens every day.

When it comes to sleep it’s a fact that cool rooms help us slumber. Don’t take my word for it. Experts at the Cleveland Clinic say that that perfect temperature for a good night’s sleep is between 60 and 67.

They’re right. Nothing is more relaxing than slipping under a fluffy comforter in a dark, chilly room. On the flip side, nothing is worse than trying to sleep in a hot room under a flimsy, damp sheet.

Someone needs to tell the sizzling geniuses at Energy Star that sleep is vitally important. Most Americans don’t get enough of it and an overheated bedroom is a recipe for insomnia.

People who are sleep-deprived have weakened immune systems and they’re unproductive. Plus, they yawn a lot.

Do you want to fly in an airliner piloted by a captain who’s nodding off because he tried to save a few kilowatts by sleeping in a sauna? Do you want your heart surgeon feeling foggy? Shoot, do you want a zombie manicurist clipping your cuticles?

No, you don’t.

What America really needs to do is turn those thermostats down and get some rest.