An Open Letter To President Biden
Dear Mr. President -
You have problems. Lord knows you have lots of them.
Not to worry, I’m here to help.
One big headache that you seem determined to ignore is the pitiful state of military recruitment. At the end of fiscal year 2023, you - as commander-in-chief - missed your own administration’s recruiting goals by 41,000.
That’s sad. Especially with us on the brink of World War III.
Shoot, matters are so desperate that the Navy actually used a drag queen last year apparently to help recruit men who liked to dress up as women, before abandoning that fool’s errand.
I have a better idea.
Since you are determined to defy the U.S. Supreme Court by “forgiving” the student debt of millions of Americans who are legally obligated to repay that money and because you offer no incentives for colleges and universities to slash tuition to make college degrees less expensive in the future, you should tie loan “forgiveness” to compulsory military service for those recipients who are younger than 40.
As it happens, the Marine Corps won’t take recruits older than 28 and the Coast Guard draws the line at 31. But the Army will take people aged 35 and Space Force, Air Force and Navy will take newbies up until the age of 39!
The military presently has a plan that allows enlistees and veterans in certain fields to get student loan relief. Of course, you never mention that to the folks drowning in debt. I wonder why?
Making loan forgiveness contingent on military service would be an excellent way to beef up our military ranks and an opportunity for these freeloaders to show their gratitude to the American people who are picking up the tab on their debt.
On top of that, this would make your cockamamie scheme to pander to young voters slightly more palatable to those of us who find the whole notion of loan “forgiveness” repugnant.
On top of that, it will convince many of these debtors - who don’t want to serve their country - to pay back their own dang loans.
But what about recipients who had their debts erased and are older than 40? No worries, Mr. President, there’s a place for them, too.
The Peace Corps!
There’s no upper age limit to volunteer with that organization. In fact, at least one 80-year-old volunteer is serving now.
Remember, the Peace Corps was founded during the Kennedy administration and is now operating in 60 countries. (This would be especially pleasing to those with college debts who are able to pay off their loans but would prefer to spend their dough on travel! Join the Peace Corps. See the world!)
Best of all, couples can volunteer together to serve in the Peace Corps, so married folks don’t have to be separated.
Come to think of it, if you are defeated in November perhaps you and Dr. Jill will join the Peace Corps. That way you two could set about fixing some of the multitude of international problems you caused during your presidency.
Joining the Peace Corps will have the added benefit of softening the public’s harsh view of you and your presidency. Consider how Jimmy Carter was able to repair his reputation after his failed presidency by working for years with Habitat for Humanity. Absolute proof that Americans are very forgiving people.
If Carter could rehabilitate his public image through volunteer work, so can you!
You don’t have to thank me for my suggestions. I’m just trying to be a patriot.
Feel free to contact me day or night if you want help fixing any other problems you’ve caused.
Sincerely,
Kerry
