Phillies Karen: The Worst Woman In The World
I know, I know, I spent way too much time the past few days pondering the confrontation between Phillies Karen and Baseball Dad.
Hey it bothered me.
I love sports and frankly, the moral dilemma faced by Baseball Dad could provide fodder for an entire semester of debate in an ethics seminar.
Not to brag, but I once floated an idea that would have thwarted this entire ugly episode in Miami’s Marlins LoanDepot Park:
Congress should pass a federal law preventing any adult over the age of 18 from leaving a ballpark with a foul ball or home run ball. Catch a ball or retrieve a ball and within five seconds that ball needs to be in the hand of a kid.
Can be your child, a cute kid sitting shyly with her parents or one of the dozens of would-be Juan Sotos who came to the game with a glove and a scorecard.
Any kid who leaves a ballpark with a ball is a fan for life. Any adult who leaves with one is a pig.
No exceptions.
Pope Leo XIV is a baseball fan. I’m sure he’d give this bill his imprimatur.
And no, it doesn’t matter how valuable that ball might be some time in the future. Fact is, 99% of foul balls are worth about 3 bucks.
GIVE THE HOME RUN OR FOUL BALL TO A KID.
Back to the Phillies Marlins game. No doubt you’ve seen the footage of the home run hit by Phillies left fielder Harrison Bader. The ball landed in vacant seats and a man grabbed it before a woman in the row behind could get her paws on it.
Baseball Dad sprinted back to his family, handed the ball to his son who stuck it in his glove. As it happened, this was the boy’s 10th birthday.
What could be more perfect? A birthday night at the ballpark and a home run ball as a souvenir.
No sooner had Baseball Dad and son embraced than dumpy Phillies Karen thundered over in her Phillies baseball sweatshirt. She started shrieking that the ball was hers, it landed in her seats and she wanted it.
Just by looking you know everything you need to know about Phillies Karen. From her stupid bob haircut to her ripped jeans. She’s the HOA president who rides around the neighborhood on a golf cart, scolding neighbors about the size of their flagpoles. She was the one calling authorities to report someone having more than 10 guests for Thanksgiving dinner during covid. She snatches campaign yard signs from candidates she doesn’t like when no one’s looking. She’s had 23 covid vaccines, wore a mask until last week and voted for, oh never mind…
Phillies Karen actually put hands on Baseball Dad and he recoiled. And not in a manly way. Sorry, that needs to be said.
Then again, if a man pushes back against a woman he’s the one who’s going to be in handcuffs.
In an interview over the weekend, Baseball Dad said he understood his predicament. He could get into an altercation with this witch or de-escalate the situation by simply taking the ball out of his kid’s glove and giving it to her.
There was a third option he didn’t think of, apparently. Baseball Dad could have taught his son a lesson about standing up to bullies without getting physical. He should have put his son behind him, straightened his spine, folded his arms and told Phillies Karen to go to hell, that it was his kid’s birthday, he’d gotten the ball fair and square and she should stop acting like a lunatic and return to her seat.
By then security might have arrived and hauled PK out of there.
Ultimately the Marlins folks brought the kid a swag bag and the birthday boy was invited to the clubhouse where Bader gave him an autographed bat. The youngster made out fine and he has a good dad. So the kid’s a winner.
Meanwhile, Phillies Karen is the most hated woman in the world.
Dammit America, we need a law that mandates kids get every baseball that goes into the stands.
Violating that law should result in the death penalty.
By the way, this is how it’s done:
