Complain, complain, complain.
Back in 1995, Virginia effectively abolished parole - making a life sentence really mean life. Now lifers are bellyaching about how unfair it is that they're going to die in prison. Unlike some of their victims, who died wherever they were killed.
The justice system deprives them of hope, they cry.
Boo hoo.
Here's a thought: Don't kill people. Don't rape them, kidnap them, maim or torture them, and you won't go to prison forever and life won't seem hopeless.
Problem solved.
I'm steamed about all this life-in-prison-is-worse-than-death nonsense because it was at the heart of a story headlined "No Hope" in Sunday's Daily Break.
I love a compelling yarn about complicated killers. This one, by my colleague Bill Sizemore, was especially well written.
He caught up with Jens Soering in the Brunswick Correctional Center. This is the college student who was convicted of slaughtering his girlfriend's parents.
The murders occurred in 1985, but Soering and his girlfriend took off and zipped around the world until they were arrested. Soering was finally extradited, and in 1990 the son of a German diplomat was tried, convicted and sentenced to two life terms. He's eligible for parole because his case predated "truth in sentencing."
Pity, then, that the parole board is peopled by humorless grumps who don't want to put double murderers back on the street.
"We are being slowly killed," Soering wails in his upcoming book. "Virtually every one of us will leave state custody in a body bag."
Cue the violins.
During his last appearance before the parole board, one of the members dozed off. Perhaps he'd heard it all before.
Soering's story is familiar. The killer insists he's innocent and has found Jesus. A former government official believes in him. Clergy members have anointed him a truthful man.
Been there. Done that.
Soering's case is fascinating because the usual excuses for violent behavior don't apply. The low-IQ justification won't work because the kid was practically a genius. Underprivileged childhood doesn't get it done because his was a life of privilege.
Oh yeah, let's not forget that Soering confessed to the murders of Derek and Nancy Haysom. Soering said he mistakenly thought he enjoyed his dad's diplomatic immunity. He confessed, he says, to protect his girlfriend.
Soering's serious.
He expects us to believe that at the time of the murders, he figured the legal loophole that lets foreign emissaries amass mountains of unpaid parking tickets would give him a free pass for double murder.
Unbelievable. This guy was a University of Virginia Jefferson Scholar, for Christmas sake.
Soering is full of complaints. Prison is a brutal, nasty place, he says. That, I believe. After all, the place is packed with predators.
Far be it from me to complain; it's violent out here in law-abiding land, too. Every day, you open the paper and read about murders, shootings and brutal assaults.
Until the perpetrators have checked into Brunswick's Hairbag Hotel, none of us is safe.
No hope? I beg to differ.
There is much hope in a society that refuses to coddle criminals. H ope abounds in a society that dispenses justice fairly. To both the poor and the rich. The stupid and the smart.
Even the very smart.
A version of this originally ran in The Virginian-Pilot on February 20, 2007.