“I guess there’s no way to patch it, huh?” I joked.
All in Screams From Suburbia
Act Of Kindness Triggers A Leftie
During a recent snowstorm, Virginia Heffernan awoke to find that neighbor, the knuckle-dragger who voted for Trump, had plowed her driveway. Unasked and with no expectation of a thank you.
This gave her so much heartburn she felt compelled to spew about it.
Snow Job
Several years ago sea-level City Hall spoilsports outlawed sledding on Virginia Beach’s only decent hill.
I’m referring, of course, to the majestic Mt. Trashmore.
Gender-Reveal Parties Gone Wild (fire)
There is no law that says every life event must be turned into a social media production.
Another Symptom of Covid-19: Incivility
Not sure I can take any more of the venom and hostility directed at anyone who dares to question the state shutdowns or suggest they’ve gone on long enough.
Masks And Common Sense
News flash: We need oxygen. Masks obstruct it. That’s why exercising in a mask is a bad idea. And driving in one is dangerous.
Wanted: Government Informants
In a COVID-19 bulletin on the city website Virginia Beach officials actually urge people to turn in anyone who dares to picnic or toss a towel on the beach and take a siesta. Don’t do it.
Neighborhood Narcs
Getting fresh air is all we have left. Looks like the neighborhood busybodies want to shut that down, too.
Suburbia Is Swell
For decades dreamy social engineers have ridiculed suburbia as a place where only the unimaginative and uncultured live.
Middle School Dances. Worse Than Ever.
If the everybody-gets-a-trophy mentality takes over school dances - with girls as the trophies - it may be time to put these grotesque events out of their misery.
What Happened to Customer Service?
When you’re paying hundreds of dollars a month for a service it asking too much to have an 800 number to call, where an actual problem-solving American - preferably one in your zip code - is there to help?
Take Your Vitamins. If You Must.
"You don't know what's in those things," my mother would say, pouring a cup of coffee and lighting another Pall Mall. "They can't be good for you."
Weight Watchers Targets Kids
The best person to be watching a kid’s weight is a parent who encourages a child to get moving and stop staring at stupid apps that make them feel bad about themselves.
Moms Give The Best Advice, Especially About The Heat
"Once people get air conditioning, they go inside and never come out," my mother used to say, sitting on a metal lawn chair in the yard, drinking iced tea and fanning herself.
Millennials Want Mayberry. Surprised?
Yep, as predicted, millennials have come to their senses and are now fleeing urban paradises with their children in tow.
Scourge of Summer: Scooters.
Be careful. These e-scooters can travel at up to 16 mph and some of the people riding on them are idiots.
Order Online And Avoid Getting Malled
This past week I found myself at Lynnhaven Mall, not once but twice. It was gothic.
Go Back To Sleep
I don’t need Ms. Huffington to tell me I need to get more sleep. I know. I have a mirror.
Ooh La La
We’ve been ooh-la-la-ing all day